4 Things You Really Want But Must Not Do If the SMART Network is Fucked Up : ( Why.. and What to try Instead )

And so here it is again..your signal meter is full bars but it says "emergency " ,, and you have and emergency and you can't send text or make a call , and your level of annoyance is beyond restraint. 

Times like this , your patience and blood pressure is inversely proportional .

01 Don't vent on your phone .  

Spare your posh gadget .Save the device and it's glitzy scratch freeness .
Why..?
 It's SMART signal who's fucking you up , your digital assistant has nothing to do with it, so refrain from harming your BFF and confidant  .
What to try instead ?
Take your phone , take a deep breath and say in all your might :
 " Fuck! Fuck! Fuck you SMART signal ! " You can repeat it many times as to your hearts content . This way you can express your inner voice and feel relieved after . Just bear in mind not to do this in public for propriety reasons . For best results, lock yourself in a room or cubicle or better still,say it covertly and subdued so as not to disturb others .

02 Don't keep sending or calling over and over again if its obvious that SMART will be fucked up for a relatively long time. 

Keep your cool , wait for the SMART icon to show ( though this is not a guarantee most of the time ) and try sending again,once. If it still not working... again remember no. 1 .
Why ??
 It's SMART signal who's fucking you up, and you can do nothing about it .. nothing.. absolutely nothing ,, you just have to wait ..so wait .
What to try instead ?
Put down your phone, and check your other gadgets , better if you have a PC or a netbook . Open your Facebook,, and there you go ,, complain..rant ,, swear , like .." Fuck!  Fuck ! Fuck you SMART signal !" You can flood your timeline if you want or your friends timeline if you may just to stabilize your agony of not having the service you already paid for .
 Hmm mean,., maybe but it will alleviate your plight,, you should try it sometime..

03 Don't transfer your agitated feeling to others, be it on other persons or things . 

Remember.. hate can be easily transfered  and the spontaneous combustion inside you is dangerous if misplaced .
Why ?
 It's SMART signal who's fucking you up , no more ,, no less  . Always be consistent on the recipient of your pestered being . Focus on the culprit so as not to diffuse negativity on your other activities.
What to do instead?
Stop..Inhale .. exhale... having done "what to do instead " on number 1 and number 2 .. enough is enough ,try a different approach this time .
Lay your phone on the table  and stare on it like a catatonic pussy and don't blink as long as you can . Miracles do happen through concentration . Focus and zap on your phone bars on your mind your charging it or boostering its signal .
Its not always effective on your phone but its 100 percent effective as a cognitive excercise to reduce your stress  .
 Just remeber  again not to do this in public . You know popular norms view this as eccentric..more often than not often.. je je .

04 Finally, Don't hesitate to change network .

Its not the end of the world after all the swearing, cuss words , trash talk, and if you tried..zapping ... and still to no avail. It's not worth it . Give yourself a break and say it's over with you being SMART enough !
Why?
 It's SMART signal who's fucking you up  so try other network if they can fuck you better up too.
You'll never know unless you try it . Give other networks to fuck you up too.
What to do instead ?
 Ahh you know what to do ..Youre not dim wit. Another networks SIM is cheaper than two Cornetos.
And while you're temporarily enjoying your new network and continuing your mobile transactions, you can write a blog like this as your ultimate vengeance.

( I just said  " while you're temporarily enjoying " because time and time will come, your new network will also fuck you up later or sooner than you think - they're all the same )

..and oh..i'll have to wait moments too before i can publish this blog ,,, my internet connection is fucked up too!
Fuck DSL!

7 Lessons To Learn From Chito Miranda & Neri Naig Video Scandal

7 LESSONS FILIPINOS CAN LEARN FROM SM OLONGAPO (VIRAL) FUNNY ELEVATOR GIRL

Cheridel Alejandrino is her name . She's the elevator girl working for SM Olongapo. This video went viral because of her hilarious and effective portrayal of her job that draws a light feeling among Youtube viewers and also inspiring us Filipinos .

HERE ARE 7  LESSONS FILIPINOS CAN LEARN FROM SM OLONGAPO (VIRAL) FUNNY ELEVATOR GIRL :

01 Every worker at any level can achieve professionalism.

Anyone can always be  proficient in their respective fields if they will just put their hearts to master what they are doing. Academic degree and  formal training are not alone the requisite to level up job performance . Sometimes its just a matter of common sense and  practical humor.

02 Humor is an effective vector of communication.

 A light happy feeling melts our cognitive and emotional senses to easily digest  messages conveyed to us. Being able to smile while seeing or observing a thing or a person is exhilarating. Humor is contagious, readily absorbed and  easily shared , involuntarily emulated. That's the reason why this clip became viral.

03 There are more than one way to perform a task . 

In this particular job, Cheridel is assigned to orient customers of the mall's sections, welcome them and say gratitudes as they leave . For her, gone are the days of the Jollibee and Mc Donalds generic greeting rituals .  She did it her way, innovating on the guidebook, and came up with something more interesting . Where ideas are free , the possibilities are endless.

04 To Filipinos , rigid English accent is not important anymore.

 As long as your audience catched and understood what you mean, a fluent English accent is just a plus. To some , a pretentious embelishment of point. Clearly , Miss Alejandrino may not have the language facility of an English speaker, but she surprised her patrons with her awesome factor. That gesture let her message sink to her audience, spectators and observers. 

05 A well mastered script is crucial on jobs that require speaking. 

This rule is too obvious yet are always neglected due to over confidence and the Filipino "Bahala Na " trait . Evidently, this elevator clerk knows her memory limits so she did prepare for it.  She prepared her lines over and over again for her to deliver what she's going to say . walang sablay . Alternate impromptu intermissions are injected but still she goes back to her rehearsed lines. Even her tonal phrasing and smile stretching are well planned. This gives her a flowing ambience of goodwill for her customers.

06 Be yourself. Self -confidence is the key. 

Never be afraid to try new things. Be the best of what you're good at.  Be unfazed of the negative criticisms that may come your way . Never be afraid to fail . For Cheridel Alejandrino , she well knows her weakness, so she focused on her strength - her hospitable entertaining skill . And it just came naturally on her, not an effort anymore. Her duty became her daily playshop, and she's compensated not just financially but emotionally as well ,  and with serendipitous benefits

07 Smile always, you'll never know...someone might catch you on camera.

Cheridel Alejandrino did not plan for it . She just kept on doing her job, her way, until one day somebody notices her  smile. So the best lesson we can learn from this  is : 

Love your job and you'll see, working is just like a comedic hosting on an elevator , be a sensation on Youtube , and who knows what's comes next ...Noontime TV guesting  blitz or even Ellen DeGeneres'

7 Things A Common Filipino Citizen Must Learn From President Nonoy Aquino 2013 SONA

President Nonoy's speech though not much of a spectacle was well delivered actually.

The two hour seemingly extemporaneous discourse in Tagalog with minor cough and gesture intermissions did sink to the Filipino audience much more profoundly than any  "tomato english" speaking Mayor addressing his constituents.

On the by side, as an ordinary individual ,here are  

7 things a common Filipino citizen must learn from President Noynoy Aquino 2013 SONA (State of the Nation Address):

01 Politicians must be requested to speak our national language when addressing the public.

A wordly crafted english speech even how fluently stressed is not as endearing as compared to our native language. Nothing voices our Filipino sentiments much more than on our own tongue, moreso if delivered to the Pilipino masses. The Japanese knows well what i mean.

02 The SONA is a report of the nations state ; mainly a report .

For this particular SONA, it's the three years and three weeks of Pinoy's presidency. Personally if i may give a SONA, it's my style as to how i would deal with my statistics and accomplishments, or as far as transparency is concerned, my shortcomings. I may have shortlisted some other things as to my audience expectations but I still reserve the right on how to say it and what to include , though saying, i did my best to cover everything. I cannot speak for every individual interest of the entire Philippine's population. The SONA is always the presidents office view of its performance, and is sometimes not congruent to some sectors, or critics, or detractors, or just some blabbing whiners.

03 Surprisingly, to many, the SONA, does not have a fashion dress code . 

The event organizers may suggest that, and actually dressed some gullible congress figures feeding on their whims, fancies and extravagance, but really it is not required. It's an awesome show of elegance though, to be backless or to be see throughed in coutured gait exuding a sophiticated representative allure well suited to the Metro Manila Film Festival .

04 Even how nice to the ear the SONA is, it is just a national inspiration.

The real life lies here with us. We still work for ourselves to prosper. So when the Catholic Bishops led by Cubao Bishop Ongtioco and Sorsogon Bishop Baster say that the "poor remain poor ' under Pinoy's presidency, we can accept it as true but we cannot put the full burden to the government as to how we cannot remain wallowing on our hand to mouth living.

05 Make use of the SONA hype to your advantage.

That's the most we can do. The attention seeker politician make the most of it .The fashion designers made quite a fortune of it. TV media took advantage of covering it . Writers and psuedo bloggers like myself make it as a hot item. Restaurants may have well monetized on their free views . You might as well watch it and digest in any point of view it can be reinforcing to you..maybe a reality check, a benchmark, or at least make it a bore free topic on barber shops , beauty parlor , or on a coffee rendevouz, giving yourself the priviledge of critiquing your president as he keep on saying you are his boss.

06 Have the priviledge to watch drama and fanrafe on TV especially on the protesters' video. 

Every SONA they are the icing if not the spice of the event. Always there, regardless who's the president . It's their lifestyle or maybe it's how they earn their living. Decades past and their stance is always the same..burning effigies, noise barrage ,dance drama, tickling police maximum tolerance, and repetitive shrills. At first i feel pity on them seeing them banished by firetrucks and teargas but later i got the idea that it's really what they want - to get hurt to be effective on the CHR, and make themselves pathetically believable so they can be covered by the sensationalized media.

07 Lastly the SONA will not affect you directly, really.

The president will always be president. The congresspersons and the senators will always remain on their cushioned seats and comfortably conditioned offices with staff paid by you, as taxpayer. It's  your reality. And they get to spend their "pork" on whatever that motivates them. We cannot change that system. So it's better for us to focus on ourselves and think of ways for our survival. We may have a Platonic view of the govenrment or have the most vicious definition of a corrupt governance but the reality remains, it is in our hands that lie the answers to our existense. No one can help us but ourselves. Given the present status of the Philippines' politics we must only trust ourselves. Nothing can change our lives, but us , not our leaders , not even the SONA, not even our dear president. 

Fair Enough?

Noun Stack Hack for Writers

Mental Floss' 50 Collective Nouns to Bolster Your Vocabulary

Collective nouns may seem like quirky ways to describe groups, but 500 years ago, they were your ticket to the in-crowd. Most collective nouns, or “terms of venery,” were coined during the 15th century.

 Many were codified in books of courtesy, like the 1486 classic Book of St. Albans. St. Albans was a handbook for medieval gentlemen, and it contained essays on hawking, hunting, and heraldry. Appended to the hunting chapter sits a list of 164 collective nouns, titled “The Compaynys of Beestys and Fowlys.” (Contrary to the title, many terms actually describe people—a biting example of ye olde satire.)

As silly as some sound today, the phrases were formal and proper descriptions. St. Albanswas, after all, a vocabulary-booster, a primer designed to help gentlemen-in-training avoid the embarrassment of “some blunder at the table.” Over the next century, the book’s popularity bloomed. Similar courtesy handbooks caught on, and by the end of the 16th century, a slew of collective nouns had entered the lexicon.

Some have achieved widespread currency and acceptance, like a “flight of stairs,” “a board of trustees,” and a “school of fish.” Others, like a “murder of crows,” barely cling on. However, a handful of obscure phrases have made a comeback, thanks to James Lipton’s wonderful compendium of collective nouns, An Exaltation of Larks. Here are a few from Lipton’s book that you should add to your repertoire.

1. Business of Ferrets

2. Labor of Moles

3. Mustering of Storks

4. Shrewdness of Apes

5. Gam of Whales

6. Smack of Jellyfish

7. Host of Angels

8. Fusillade of Bullets

9. Baptism of Fire

10. Quiver of Arrows

11. Tissue of lies

12. Murder of Crows

13. Unkindness of Ravens

14. Dule of Doves

15. Clowder, Cluster, or Clutter of Cats

16. Kindle of Kittens

17. Mute of Hounds

18. Pass of Asses

19. Ostentation of Peacocks

20. Team of Ducks (when flying)

21. Paddling of Ducks (when on water)

22. Trip of Goats

23. Sloth, or Sleuth, of Bears

24. Charm of Finches

25. Hill of Beans

26. String of Ponies

27. Hand of Bananas

28. College of Cardinals

29. Shock of Corn

30. Band of Men

31. Knot of Toads

32. Wedge of Swans (when flying)

33. Parliament of Owls

34. Superfluity of Nuns

35. Abominable Sight of Monks

36. Untruth of Summoners

37. Doctrine of Doctors

38. Damning of Jurors

39. Sentence of Judges

40. Rascal of Boys

41. Gaggle of Women

42. Gaggle of Gossips

43. Impatience of Wives

44. Tabernacle of Bakers

45. Poverty of Pipers

46. Fighting of Beggars

47. Neverthriving of Jugglers

48. Herd of Harlots

49. Worship of Writers

50. Hastiness of Cooks

According to Lipton, the terms above “are authentic and authoritative. They were used, they were correct, and they are useful, correct—and available—today.” 

Read the full text here: http://mentalfloss.com/article/33580/50-collective-nouns-bolster-your-vocabulary#ixzz2ZdkPD9Fx 
--brought to you by mental_floss! 

11 Low Class Reasons Why Mainstream Filipino Movies are Less Artistic

Have you ever wondered why Eddie Garcia, (with all due respect ) has the same joke tone and generic "Manoy" persona at most if not all his can't be counted movies?

This is a reblog from Von Bryan Cuerpo at The Manila Survival Guide.

Here are his dissection of the basic components of a Filipino "masa" movie painlessly rummaged from translated excerpts if not cheap copycat of successful international movie flicks.

Top 10 Things Wrong With Mainstream Filipino Movies

1. Most Filipino movies do not have characters, they have caricatures. 

Characters in Filipino movies are usually ripped right off the pages of Scriptwriting 101 and are rarely based on real people.
There’s the Cheating Husband, the Long Suffering Wife/Mother/Female Figure, the Vile Mistress, the Kontrabida (“Villain”), the Young Ingénue, the Love Team, the Macho Playboy Action Hero, the Sidekick, the Poor Virtuous Hero/Heroine who Triumphs Over Everything, the Rebellious Teen, the Precocious Child etc. etc.  We particularly loathe the Sidekick who apparently has nothing better to do with his or her life except to follow and comment on the lead characters’ lives.

2. Most Filipino movies are filled with actors and actresses who cannot act. 

As a general rule, acting requires actors to know how to demonstrate a number of expressions and gestures to convey a variety of emotions.  This is not necessary in the Philippines. Most Filipino actors only have one facial expression to depict anger, triumph, sadness, happiness or frustration.  We call it the “OMG I’m constipated” look, because of the fact that the actor looks, well, constipated. Dingdong Dantes is a known practitioner. (Seehere, here, and here.)
And also, no, being hot doesn’t count as acting.

3. Most Filipino movies do not have plots.  They are a series of “quotable quotes” cobbled together to bear some resemblance to a real movie in a freaky, ugly, Frankensteinish way. 

We’re big fans of “quotable quotes”, really, but a movie cannot be made up of mostly over-the-top, cheesy, dramatic lines.  It’s tiring, it’s silly and it sacrifices plot for unrealistic stupidity.

4. Most Filipino movies are a rehash of a handful of plots we’ve seen ten billion times before. 

You know what we need? Another unfunny romantic comedy where the guy gets the girl in the end.  We seriously need another one of those.

Here’s another original idea:  They can make the guy and the girl not like each other at the start, then like each other in the end.  I’m sure that plot point has never been done, like, ten jillion times before, all over the world.

Wait, wait here’s the best, most original idea in the world: we can make another Enteng Kabisote film because, apparently, we hate ourselves.

5. Most Filipino movies are cheap, crappy rip-offs of expensive Hollywood movies/shows. 

For added cruel inventiveness, a Filipino movie can be a rip-off of two expensive Hollywood movies/shows fused together to make one freakishly ugly baby.

If movies were people, this would be the ugly lovechild of Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives.

6. Most Filipino comedies aren’t funny. 

Or they can start out funny, then the big producers would make sequel after sequel where they would rehash the same joke over and over again until it stops being funny and just becomes annoying. Case in point: Ang Tanging Ina, Ang Tanging Ina N’yong Lahat, Ang Tanging Ina Mo (Last Na ‘To), and Enteng ng Ina Mo.

7.  Most Filipino dramas are unintentionally funny. 

Seriously funny. They should start marketing dramas as comedies from now on.

8.  Filipino action heroes. 

Filipino action heroes have the following superpowers:  a) they never get hit by a bullet (or anything that resembles a projectile that might actually hurt) even when everyone else around them dies; b) they attract girls whose looks and age are inversely proportional to theirs; and c) they can say cheesy, stupid “quotable quotes” with a straight face.

Case in point: Mark Lapid, the king of silly, cheesy “quotable quotes” for his acting stint in “Tatlong Baraha (Three Cards)”.  Seriously, you have to give him mad props for saying this with a straight face the “OMG I’m constipated” look.

9.       Our politicians star in crappy Filipino movies.

That guy holding that puny sword and wearing that “OMG I’m constipated” look is currently a Senator of the Republic of the Philippines.  He is also planning to run for Vice President in the upcoming elections. We are doomed.

10.  The Metro Manila Film Festival. 

Umm, yea.

11. Bonus:

The worst thing about Filipino cinema today is that Filipinos, notwithstanding the general stupidity of the type of local movies depicted above, still lap up this crap. We never learn.

Only in the Philippines : Where Internet Means Facebook

5 Filipinos open a Facebook account 

per minute

From the period March 1 to 15, 2012, Facebook still 

leads as the top social network used in the Philippines 

with  73.91% share.  

5 Filipinos open a 

Facebook account per 

minute

The latest data from SocialBakers shows 

that almost one out of every 4 Filipinos has 

a Facebook account. 

As of this writing, one year after this 

survey ,it is safe to say that  the number 

approaches to 30 million Facebook users in the Philippines. 

The pop culture brought about by global social media in the Philippines is contagious. In the advent of mobile internet and sprouting computer shops everywhere located from slum areas to metro districts , Facebooking became not only a fad but a part of Filipino adolescent's routine,( and the social at hearts.)

With this ease in internet access, almost everyone from any financial standing in the society can now afford to be online with only their time as limit as to how long will they be surfing the viral waves of socialization.

Facebook then became the epitome of internet in the Philippines. 

For Filipinos having a facebook account, means a remarkable upgrade on their persona.

Here are some reasons why Facebook 

is so popular in the Philippines:

01 Celebrated Freedom of Expression

In facebook, Filipinos had their moderate freedom. They now have the venue to express themselves in an acceptable manner and it is a likable feature. These things, they are not accustomed before due to naive cultural norms.

02 The Filipino is a social climber

Filipinos want to prove themselves to anybody they are capable of things not usually noticed. 

Be it to their fellow or to other races, Filipinos are perpetually elevating their status to be at par with their emulated figure or even more.

03 Facebook is nouveau 

As far as the third world countries concern , facebook is a new chic way of socialization . 

Everybody wants to be in the fad, if not the first, at least be not left behind. 

Facebook gives the Filipinos the the link to the viral community, they regard as the new norm in society.

04 Filipinos raves for intrigues and gossips

Being an insider to a conspiracy, scandal or a secret plot hooks  a Filipino. 

That's the reason why telenovelas and reality shows never cease to catch Filipino attention. 

Facebook is a limitless biblioteca of blood, sweat and tears type of stories everyday. 

This observatory omnicience is a marvelous feeling as far unwelcome critiques are concerned.

05 Facebook is easy, free and with benefits

Filipinos always want the easy way, plug and play type of interface mainly because,we are techno-challenged. 

Filipinos being a value digger, facebook fits in their lifestyle , and it comes with added freebies for their egotrip. (let's say like..one thousand and one selfies in the bathroom )

Although the data show that the beginning of Facebook latency period in the Philippines is evident, maturity in facebook use will still be enjoyed for long by Filipino subscribers until a next viral fad will emerge . 

Who knows? 

As facebook innovates it's offerings regularly, closing competition will find it hard to surpass the phenomenal facebook addiction.

Moreso in developing countries like the Philippines , who most of it's population regard facebook as their total internet experience package.