Sunday, March 23, 2014

4 Things You Really Want But Must Not Do If the SMART Network is Fucked Up : ( Why.. and What to try Instead )

And so here it is again..your signal meter is full bars but it says "emergency " ,, and you have and emergency and you can't send text or make a call , and your level of annoyance is beyond restraint. 

Times like this , your patience and blood pressure is inversely proportional .

01 Don't vent on your phone .  

Spare your posh gadget .Save the device and it's glitzy scratch freeness .
Why..?
 It's SMART signal who's fucking you up , your digital assistant has nothing to do with it, so refrain from harming your BFF and confidant  .
What to try instead ?
Take your phone , take a deep breath and say in all your might :
 " Fuck! Fuck! Fuck you SMART signal ! " You can repeat it many times as to your hearts content . This way you can express your inner voice and feel relieved after . Just bear in mind not to do this in public for propriety reasons . For best results, lock yourself in a room or cubicle or better still,say it covertly and subdued so as not to disturb others .

02 Don't keep sending or calling over and over again if its obvious that SMART will be fucked up for a relatively long time. 

Keep your cool , wait for the SMART icon to show ( though this is not a guarantee most of the time ) and try sending again,once. If it still not working... again remember no. 1 .
Why ??
 It's SMART signal who's fucking you up, and you can do nothing about it .. nothing.. absolutely nothing ,, you just have to wait ..so wait .
What to try instead ?
Put down your phone, and check your other gadgets , better if you have a PC or a netbook . Open your Facebook,, and there you go ,, complain..rant ,, swear , like .." Fuck!  Fuck ! Fuck you SMART signal !" You can flood your timeline if you want or your friends timeline if you may just to stabilize your agony of not having the service you already paid for .
 Hmm mean,., maybe but it will alleviate your plight,, you should try it sometime..

03 Don't transfer your agitated feeling to others, be it on other persons or things . 

Remember.. hate can be easily transfered  and the spontaneous combustion inside you is dangerous if misplaced .
Why ?
 It's SMART signal who's fucking you up , no more ,, no less  . Always be consistent on the recipient of your pestered being . Focus on the culprit so as not to diffuse negativity on your other activities.
What to do instead?
Stop..Inhale .. exhale... having done "what to do instead " on number 1 and number 2 .. enough is enough ,try a different approach this time .
Lay your phone on the table  and stare on it like a catatonic pussy and don't blink as long as you can . Miracles do happen through concentration . Focus and zap on your phone bars on your mind your charging it or boostering its signal .
Its not always effective on your phone but its 100 percent effective as a cognitive excercise to reduce your stress  .
 Just remeber  again not to do this in public . You know popular norms view this as eccentric..more often than not often.. je je .



04 Finally, Don't hesitate to change network .

Its not the end of the world after all the swearing, cuss words , trash talk, and if you tried..zapping ... and still to no avail. It's not worth it . Give yourself a break and say it's over with you being SMART enough !
Why?
 It's SMART signal who's fucking you up  so try other network if they can fuck you better up too.
You'll never know unless you try it . Give other networks to fuck you up too.
What to do instead ?
 Ahh you know what to do ..Youre not dim wit. Another networks SIM is cheaper than two Cornetos.
And while you're temporarily enjoying your new network and continuing your mobile transactions, you can write a blog like this as your ultimate vengeance.

( I just said  " while you're temporarily enjoying " because time and time will come, your new network will also fuck you up later or sooner than you think - they're all the same )


..and oh..i'll have to wait moments too before i can publish this blog ,,, my internet connection is fucked up too!
Fuck DSL!